i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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