Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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