You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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