He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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