yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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