remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
