dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize