it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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