i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
