just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
