As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
