Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
