If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
