Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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