it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
