fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
