worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
