I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
