i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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