So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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