Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
