No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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