I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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