They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
