we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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