I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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