my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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