Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
