Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
