i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
