Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
