what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
