I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
