Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
