It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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