yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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