Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
