i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize