Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
