i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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