grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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