used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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