Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
