Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
