when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
