Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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