i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
