I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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