I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
