wat bout pragnant strippers??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
