you would pick up someone in the library
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
