I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
