I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
