I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
