I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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