The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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