dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
