Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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