If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
