Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
