i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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