took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
