OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
