I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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