I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
