so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
