South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
