I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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