she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
