A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
