You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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