Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
