The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
