she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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