"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
