Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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