I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize