So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I smell like Dick and happiness
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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