Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
