there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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