Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
