um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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