the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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