and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
