he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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