Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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