does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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