First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize