You were right. It hurts to walk today.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
