I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
