Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
