I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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