she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
