I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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