I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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