Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
