My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
