Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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