It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dicks are not precious.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize