I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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