The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
