Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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