you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
