you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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