i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
