Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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