After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
