this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
