I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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