Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize