bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
