i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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