Don't make out with my wife yet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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