he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
