did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
3 2 1 whiskey
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
