The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
