I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Will you blow on my dice?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
