I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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