North Korea, Best Korea!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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